Tell The Truth

Let’s be honest! Many of us don’t share our wellness journeys for fear of judgment. Walls have been created because we have been burned in the past and refuse to be burned again. I get it! I’ve been called phony, called out of my name, and shamed for my appearance. At one point, I owned these titles because why would someone say that if it were not true. Had I done something that led them to believe the statements they were making actually described me? I can say that now because I’ve done the work to learn the truth about myself. I’ve worked to be honest with myself about where I am on my life journey and where I would like to go. It’s been eye-opening and painful at times, but I refuse to lie to myself.

Hotties, I implore you to have a real conversation with yourself about who you are. Do you like that person? Do you love her? What does her future look like? This is your life, and you deserve to be honest with yourself. Just because you don’t like something, today doesn’t mean you can’t take the steps to turn it from a negative to a positive. You have the control, own it!

Safe Space

Recently my friends and I have made it a point to create safe spaces for each other. These spaces are where we can talk freely, with no judgment, we can ask questions that may be uncomfortable or where we can laugh uncontrollably at our shenanigans. I love having this space. We also are in the habit of asking each other if we have the capacity to deal with someone’s emotions. I think that question there is what truly fills my heart with joy and I know that I am safe. 

Most people think that all of their friends are safe spaces and I have learned that this is not the case. I’ve learned the hard way that all friends are not safe spaces and that releasing emotional, mentally sacred information to them can be detrimental to your health. I shared with someone I’d been friends with for 10+ years some things over time that had been going on in my life. I shared it as a way of release and to help with walking through the resolution process. SN: the number of years you are connected with someone does not equate to them being a safe space. Fast-forward to a disagreement we had. I am a believer in everyone having their feelings and expressing themselves, I am not a believer in using something told to you in confidence as a weapon against a person when you don’t agree. I was devastated as this person recounted events and moments where I shared myself with them open thinking I would not be judged. Only to discover the arsenal they’d stored up. 

As I’ve navigated new friendships and safe spaces I have noted a few things to look for if you are in search of truly authentic safe spaces:

  1. Watch how the people you share information react when news is shared with them, by you or someone else. A person’s body language says a lot.
  2. The saying is true if a person will call to gossip about someone with you, they will gossip about you with someone else. 
  3. Are they always willing to be the releaser of emotions but never the listener?
  4. Do they make you feel safe? Use your intuition and discernment. If you don’t feel safe don’t release to them.
  5. Take it to the Lord in prayer. 

Do you feel safe with your friends? How do you determine who you can emotionally and mentally share with?

Loyalty…The Other “L” Word

People have varying definitions when it comes to loyalty. If you are my friend and I don’t like someone, then you don’t like them either; if I have a business and you don’t support it, can you call yourself a loyal friend; if I call you at 3am to complain about that man for the umpteenth time and you don’t answer, where does your loyalty lie?! These are all scenarios I’m sure you’ve experienced or know someone who has experienced them. It’s exhausting trying to prove your loyalty to someone constantly. (TIRED!)

It’s time for some mature conversation. As friends, we may not always like the same people. Let’s take it a step further. We may have friends that have no connection to each other. Now don’t go saying so and so did me wrong. You can’t trust them. That determination is not yours to make. The business you started, is your friend your audience? Have you discussed with them and let them know what support looks like to you. If they decide not to support you in the way you determine what are you prepared to do. Are they not loyal for not purchasing, sharing, or liking your business? The last one is my favorite. Are they disloyal if you call someone to drop off your emotional baggage and inform you that they do not have the emotional or mental capacity to handle what you have going on?

If you have to constantly question someone’s loyalty or if they have to question yours, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship!

Do you consider yourself a loyal friend? What attributes do you look for in a loyal friend?

#TuesdaysTruth Expect More!

This is my “What you talkin bout Willis?” face.

I recently had a conversation with someone who left me with the huh, face. We were talking about expectations in relationships. I stated I expected if I treat people well, that in return, I expected to be treated well. To which this person replied, “You can’t expect people to treat you the way you treat them!” The person went on to say that not everyone isn’t like you. They are going to do what they want to do. Now why I am all for people being their true authentic selves, this statement irritated my soul. Let me tell you why.

I believe I’ve said this before. My expectation is just that my expectation. If you disagree with this, that is on you, but I expect that if I treat you with decency and in return, you will do the same in return. If not, I will know how to handle you in the future. Does that mean eye for an eye? No. It means that I have set an expectation with you. You did not meet it, so now I know the energy exchange is not the same. Just because you don’t meet my expectation doesn’t mean I should lower mine. In fact, it means I need to evaluate the people around me.

We set the tone for our lives! If you put an expectation with someone and they don’t meet it, it’s a revelation for you, not them. Take a look at your own relationships. How many of them have you set expectations for? Are they being met? If not, what are you going to do about it? Don’t be afraid to set the bar. I am expecting great things for you!

My Body Betrayed Me

#TuesdaysTruth

I call this pic, Nik deal with your sh!t!

As most of you know, a few weeks ago I talked about going to the emergency room for some numbness I’d been feeling on my right side. The pain wasn’t unbearable, but it was irritating my whole soul. Luckily the scan and bloodwork came back, and I wasn’t having a stroke, heart attack, or blood clot. I will, however, need to see a neurologist to deal with how my migraines are affecting the rest of my body. I took the diagnosis and went on my way. 

Fast forward, getting an appointment with a neurologist isn’t an easy thing to do. Describing what is going on with your body repeatedly and trying to get people to understand how it feels to you is not easy either. I am a right-handed person, a writer; I talk with my hands (apparently especially with my right one); I never realized how much I did with that side of my body until it was painful to do so. I felt betrayed. I mean, I take good care of my body, don’t I? I began to think back on all the moments I ignored the signs my body was giving me. Signs that clearly said, you should check in with someone about this feeling or this isn’t normal. But still, I didn’t want to hold myself accountable. It was my body’s fault. 

Doesn’t this body know we have work to do? If you are reading this, I know you are like if this woman doesn’t just slow down. And you’d be partially correct. So I will. I am also taking steps to check-in and make sure this body is running at total capacity. I can’t blame anyone for me not being the best version of myself but myself. So, if you see me out, ask me how I’m doing and tell me not to lie. Today, I feel good. Wish it was great. With every step in the right direction to better health, I’m sure I will achieve greatness.

How do you take care of yourself? Have you ever felt betrayed by your body? Let’ chat.

Update: Weight Loss Journey

Earlier in October I showed you hottie my real weight. I’m keeping it real with y’all I was like WTF?! I am way too short to have all this weight. My journey originally started with wanting to look better in my clothes. I think that;s why most people start. As I’ve matured on this journey I’ve realized it is more important for my all around health to be at a weight more suitable for someone my height. I am 5’1”. I know that my current weight is not matching my health goals. What are your health goals?

I made a plan last month to go to the gym, to workout at least 3 times a week and to eat better. At least one of those things happened. I did eat better! I controlled my portions and drank a whole lot more water. As I flushed my system I began to feel energetic, but there was still something missing. Sidenote: Portion control is really the key for me. There’s only so much I’m going to replace, give up, before I feel like I;m being punished. Although my energy increased I still felt like I was missing something. 

Then it hit me like a V8 to the head. I needed to workout. I’m sure I could lose weight with portion control and be slightly energetic as the weight dropped, but if I’m honest if I want to improve my overall health I know I need to incorporate some physical activity. So back to the gym I go! It’s more of a mental thing for me, then a physical. I need to mentally prepare myself for the changes I want to see, no matter how long they take. Will you join me? My goal is to go to the gym at least 3 times a week. 

Update my current weight is 226, previously 229.3 a loss of 3.3 pounds.

This Is Personal and Lonely   

I love the work I do. Getting women, especially mothers to reclaim their power, to visualize their best lives, getting them to think outside the box. The vision for The Hot Mama Spot is to help you all blossom, redefine, and grow into the best versions of yourself. It is my complete honor to do this with you. This journey has been a long time coming. I’m not going to lie to you. I put up a lot of resistance because I wasn’t completely sure if I could step into the forefront and lead. The more I began to see the need for the vision I had in my head, the more I felt a burning desire to create this space. Hotties, we are just getting started and I am in awe!

With all the excitement around seeing this vision come to life, this has been one of the lonliest seasons of my life. As I began to notice the transformation within myself I began to see the people around me change. Let me tell you one of the greatest lessons I have learned is that when God gives you a vision, he will create the path, make room, and give you his blessing to grow. What I didn’t initially realize is that this vision was just for me. I tried so many times to get people to sign on, to take them with me on this journey and each time there was something that removed them. I kept wondering why I couldn’t find anyone to help me. Then at 4:04am it came to me, this part of the journey you are meant to do alone. The anxiety that came with that revelation woke me up out of my sleep. I fell back to sleep and woke up that morning with a renewed confidence. I can do this, it’s necessary, so stop fighting it. 

Since I’ve stopped fighting it, I’ve been on the move. I am busy all the time, but there is a continued excitement of seeing this plan come to fruition. I don’t know if any of you have a dream that you are scared to put your weight behind because you feel unsupported or alone, let me be honest, you are alone. Don’t be afraid because there is purpose in your loneliness. This is your time to do the work, others will come but for right now, in this very moment, it’s your time! 

Some days this alone feeling can seem unbearable, but there is something about knowing the work isn’t in vain that brings me a sense of peace. So whatever it is you want to do, be bold, be confident, and be okay doing it alone.

Reinventing Yourself

The many faces of an elevating Nik!

Have you ever looked in the mirror and you don’t recognize the person looking back at you. I’m not talking about physically, but mentally you just don’t recognize this person? I can be honest and tell you I have. I didn’t recognize the pain in my face from trying to please everyone around me, I didn’t recognize the hunch forming on my back for trying to shrink myself for others, I didn’t recognize the nonchalant stare that made me look like I had given up hope. But here I was looking at myself wondering who I was. I think people assume when you talk about reinventing yourself you are being fake. That is not the case. If there is something about you, you don’t like, why not put forth the effort to fall in love/like with you again. 

This journey called life isn’t easy. We get on a path and  conform to where it leads us, forgetting that some of our paths are not meant to be straight, we are met to hit curves, bumps in the roads, detours. We are going to be uncomfortable. Like being stuck in a traffic jam and you can’t get over, you can’t go around it, you have to go through it. Once on the other side you feel like a whole new person because now you can get where you were trying to go. Do you feel like that with your life. Stuck in a traffic jam, you’ve become complacent with who you are right now and you don’t see a way around it, over it and you are barely pushing through? It’s okay hottie, I can tell you a majority of the people you encounter every day feel like this, although they will never be brave enough to admit it. 

I dare you to look at yourself in the mirror past the physical and see yourself. Is there something you want to change. Nothing’s wrong with a little re-invention to be who you are destined to be on the next level of this journey. Here’s to the new you!

Talk Yo Sh!t!

Journal Entry 10.5.21- Talk Yo Sh!t

As you all know I’m trying to stop swearing. It’s a work in progress. I didn’t know how to express what I needed to say in any other way. Here’s the thing, I WOKE UP LIKE THIS! I feel amazing. There is something in the air that is giving me life and I am feeling like a gazillion bucks! Have you ever had one of those days when you look good, you feel good, your day is going good, kids (if you have them) are behaving, there’s love in the air, you are just having a great day?!

In the past when these moments would arrive I wouldn’t totally embrace them. I would say this is too good to be true and wait for the shoe to drop that would send my world into a whirlwind. I found it difficult to think that things for me could go great, amazing, super dope. My mindset was dictating be anxious, worry, be afraid, because if all this good is happening to someone like you then the universe must be tripping and sooner or later it will figure out it’s mistake and set things right. See the undeserving, unworthy mindset will have you allowing a great day to pass you by.

Not today Satan! Today I talk my sh!t! I’m excited, I’m blessed, I’m beautiful, I am successful, I enter a room and I command attention, respect, joy, peace, and happiness. I am walking on cloud nine and enjoying every minute. I deserve this moment and I’m soaking it up. Today I will accept every compliment and not point out what is wrong as a reply, today I will not run when someone holds the door open for me, I will walk graciously up to them at my normal pace and say thanks; I will not downplay my greatness. Today my crown is on and fitting perfectly.

Hotties! How y’all feeling? Look at you, you are beautiful, you are attracting on a high vibration, you are walking tall and into your destiny, you are deserving, you are worthy, you are more than enough. Today talk yo sh!t, pop ya collar and let the world see you!

Frenemies

The other day I sashayed through the doors of my workplace. I was feeling good, my spirits were up and I owned it with my model walk! Have you had one of those days where you look good so you feel good? I was having that type of day. I greet the people I pass at the door and then I hear it, “girl, you got on that church dress?!” with a little chuckle after. Then I hear “I love that dress on you, you look good girl!” I smile, nod, and say thank you! I was thanking both. The first lady then came back with “Oh girl you know I’m just kidding you look good!” I nod say thanks again and proceed to my office. I’m sure I am not the only person who’s encountered this, someone who you may view as a friend throwing a little shade your way. See these weren’t just ladies I work with, these were women I speak with often, they are work friends. This wasn’t the first time this individual had thrown a little shade my way and the way it was going those little shady comments were snowballing into major overcast. I’d like to think being a woman’s woman I exude confidence that doesn’t make others feel intimidated, but at last I can only control my emotions and my thinking and I have to realize that no matter how much I encourage, keep it real, or inspire others, there will always be someone in the background ready with some shade.

Those folks I described above are Frenemies. They say they are friends and sometimes their actions even show it, but ultimately at the end of the day they secretly feel some animosity towards you. Now you may be thinking Nik it was just a comment about a dress. Well I can tell you it starts with small comments that seem like nothing and then they feel free to attack whatever they feel will make you uncomfortable. Because why should you feel good, why should you be confident? Be careful of these individuals. They are the wolf in sheep’s clothing that you allow in, because hey, I’m friendly. The thing I have discovered is I’d rather be more discerning than friendly. My discernment allows me to connect with people genuinely and develop a friendship and foundation. Do you have some frenemies in your life? How do you handle them?