parenting

The Ministry of Sisterhood: The Ansari Girls

img_0425If you haven’t been paying me any attention then you missed the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Want to know what it is/was?! My sister, Ayesha, and I have launched a show on Facebook LIVE, IG LIVE, and YouTube to discuss the ministry of sisterhood. We are giving you a behind the scenes look into our lives. How are we handling success, balancing family life, being social, and keeping our groove, all while maintaining our sanity and our close relationship with each other and our devotion to God? That’s a lot to view. So what made us think that our lives were so special that we needed a show. Let me take you on a little journey…

It’s no secret to the people who know us that my sister and I DID NOT get along growing up. We were like oil and water, if and when we did agree it was probably to agree that we didn’t agree with each other. This is how our relationship was for most of our childhood and on into our teenage years. My parents were so annoyed with us, but the older we got, our bond began to form. Now we didn’t stop arguing or fighting, we just didn’t have to do it in front of our family or friends, we each had our own homes and our hang up game was strong. So when did our relationship finally turn around. I really can’t tell you, one day I just looked at my sister differently. I no longer saw her as the brat that was driving me crazy, I saw her as another woman, someone I enjoyed being around. I didn’t just love her because she was my sister, I actually liked her as a person, someone I WANTED to hang out with. As others began to see us together they noticed the difference in our relationship and wondered what changed us. Our conversations were now inspirational and encouraging, our phones calls ended in laughs, we began to appreciate our time together.

So what change? Our faith! As our own individual relationships with God began to develop he granted us access to see each other differently. I began to see where I’d slacked as a big sister (yes, the secret is out, I am the oldest) and I allowed her to see the vulnerable parts of my life I’d kept hidden. It was in these moments our bond was solidified and we could actually see each other. As we began to share our story, our struggles, our journey, people paid attention and they wanted to hear more. If you tune into Just One Hot Mom the podcast (available on Itunes) some of my favorite shows are with my sister. But Just One Hot Mom is my baby, and I can’t share it, so what could we do that would allow people to hear and learn from our stories. Nothing but get in front of the camera and share. So on Tuesday, October 2nd, we shared our first story on “The Disciplined Art of Essentialism!” (check it out on our FB page/YouTube channel The Ansari Girls) Every other Tuesday at 8pm, we are opening the doors of our lives and sharing them with you. Our hope is that by being transparent with you about our lives, you will become confident in who you are, inspired to share your story, and encouraged that you are not alone in this life. I wouldn’t want to do this with any other person.

So your assignment, go like or subscribe to our pages and share in our journey!

Facebook: The Ansari Girls
Instagram: thensarigirls
YouTube: The Ansari Girls

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parenting

Being Nanekia…UPDATE- Weight Loss Journey

1F234308-FEEE-4A06-B707-A18D0FF9417BWe are still on this journey!!! For the last year and a half I’ve been doing what everyone says will help me lose weight. From taking a bunch of workout classes, to adjusting myself to different diet plans, trying weight loss shakes/teas and supplements. All of these things are popular because I’m sure just like I do, you see them all over social media and along with them you see the pictures to prove their results. So what have I lost?!

When this journey first began I wanted to lose 50 pounds, that was my main goal. I focused only on that and nothing else. From week to week I would see loss and gain. This rollercoaster was driving me crazy, there was so much to keep up with. And then the devastating fact that I had not lost 50 pounds within the time period I’d given myself set in. I was disappointed. Would I ever drop this 50 pounds?! As I was getting dressed I noticed my pants didn’t fit anymore, they were significantly bigger. I was annoyed thinking something happened with the laundry, I go look in the mirror and there I saw it. I looked different. My body had formed this nice little shape that I had not noticed. I was so stuck on losing 50 pounds that I never took the time to embrace the changes I could actually see my body going through. I was looking and feeling better! Should that have been my goal?

What have I gained? A new-found respect for others and their weight loss journey, an even greater dose of self-confidence, the ability to be consistent with my workouts and love for myself at all stages of this journey. I’ve also learned about what I really want on this journey and as much as I want to look good, feeling good has become more important. I can keep up with the people in my workout class, I’m not out of breath when playing with my daughter, I’ve become even sexier (eyebrow raises) I feel good. I’ll take those gains over any amount of loss!

What journey are you on? Are you taking the time to enjoy the course or are you so focused on the goal you can’t enjoy the journey? Take time out to enjoy it all, it will be worth it in the end.

parenting

The Tantramatic Kindergartner- Tantrums After the Toddler Years

cry anissa 2
If you recall awhile back I wrote a piece¬†The Tantramatic Toddler¬†I talked about how to deal with temper tantrums with your toddler. We all think that once our children pass the toddler phase their temper tantrums will end. THAT IS A LIE! I know from experience the tantrums never end, life happens and sometimes we as adults throw temper tantrums. We, hopefully have learned to deal with them better than our younger days. But what do you as a parent do when your out and about and your older child has a temper tantrum, I’m talking 5-8 years old. It’s embarrassing, it makes you anxious, it questions your authority as a parent because we all know you are getting those looks, the look of disgust from someone who will not sympathize with what you are going through. Yes, parents, children over 4 throw temper tantrums and hopefully in the next few paragraphs I will help you learn how to deal with them.

Let me set the scene for you…We are in Target I know exactly what I need to get and then I need to get out. Of course Anissa wants me to make a quick stop by the toy section, which really isn’t an issue, I explain that we are just looking (my mistake) we are not purchasing. I set the timer on my phone for seven minutes so that we can look and not purchase. The timer goes off and I prepare to get in line, I move but the little hand I am holding has stiffen and is not moving with me, I look down and I see the sad face. I bend over so that she and I are eye to eye and I say it’s time to go, I get back up and move, yet again no movement from my little friend. I look down and she is holding her ground. In my stern mom voice I say let’s go. That’s when it happens, the tears, the negotiating, the loudness. It starts off slow and as I try to remain calm, but as I refuse to agree with her demands it gets louder and louder and now I cam see people beginning to stare. What should I do, how should I handle this?! Should I cave and just buy the toy, should I threaten her, should I get loud??? The should list can go on and on. So let’s start the conversation how should I handle the Tantrumatic¬†Kindergartener?

  1. Recognize that trying to calm her down when she is upset may not work. Think about when you are upset, someone telling you to calm down is the last thing you want to hear. So what should I do? I get back down to her level so she can see my eyes and I can see hers, I then ask her to explain her feelings to me. If she’s in huffing mode and can’t calm down, I gently rub her back and attempt to soothe her until she can talk. If she can talk right away I listen to what her issues is. We discuss, she will either remain calm or remain upset, but the thing is I HEARD HER! Will she be upset maybe but I’ve done my part, in helping her to hopefully deal with her emotions and feel like her voice matters.
  2. RESET! I’m almost positive your child’s school has a method they use to correct behavior. Anissa’s school uses the reset method. The behavior is given minimal attention, the student is asked if they need a reset. A Reset is the opportunity for them to change their behavior themselves. They are in control of their emotions and they can choose to reset them to help have a better outcome. Find out what your child’s school/teacher does and try that out. If it works for them at school why not practice it at home. A Reset can last from 30-60 seconds and can be implemented as many times as needed.
  3. BREATHE! This is more for you than the child. Nobody wants to be considered a bad parent, but the first thing you think of when a child throws a temper tantrum is that you’re going to be questioned and deemed a bad parent. We’re all “bad” parents. As I’ve told you before, none of us left the hospital with a manual on how to raise children. Just like we are learning so are they. It’s important that despite wanting to scream yourself you remain calm. You getting upset and displaying those emotions will only heighten a situation you are trying to de-escalate. Children cry! They cry when they are upset and frustrated, and don’t feel like they are being heard. So let them cry! Now I’m not saying continue shopping while they ball their eyes out. If you can make your purchase then by all means make the purchase, but if not save your sanity and make your exit. It’s okay do not feel any shamed.

While we would love to control our environments and all the behaviors in our environment we can’t. Somethings are out of our control, feelings tend to be one of those things, how you deal with those things and how you teach your children to deal with those things are up to you. Your children are a product of what you pour into them. You are the example so be the best example you can be. Don’t be afraid to show your child your emotions and how to deal with them in a healthy way. We truly do our children a dis-service when we pretend we don’t get upset, or mad, or hurt. The way they learn to deal with their emotions is by watching us.

How do you deal with temper tantrums? Do you have any suggestions that may help another parent, drop them in the comments.

cry anissa
This is the saddest little face ever!

parenting

The Pregnant Pause!

pregnant pauseHey “Insecure” lovers, this is for you. This season “Insecure” was fire! We see Issa and her friends evolving. A few episode back prior to the finale we see the dynamic of the friendships change as Tiffany is clearly pregnant and the girls are clearly trying to live their best lives. What happens when one of your friends makes a life altering decision that not only will change their lives but effect how y’all operate?! Let’s get into this Pregnant Pause!

In the episode Tiffany looks to be about 7-8 months pregnant but she is still holding on trying to hang with her girls. During Beychella, it’s proven that this is a bit too much for her to handle. The other girls are still up to their shenanigans, thanks to a “special boost” and Tiffany is left as the so-called responsible one. By the end of the episode we learn that the dynamics of each friendship is draining Tiffany. She wants to be a part but let’s face it, trying to maneuver a pregnant belly and party with your girls is not easy, trust me I know from experience.

Let me set the scene…September 2012 I was about 6 months pregnant. I was having an amazing pregnancy, glowing, growing, and still able to party with my girls. We’d all made a pact that I would not be a couch potato and that we were going to be twerking all the way to the delivery room. I remember the night clearly, I was in the bathroom getting dressed about to head out for the night when One Handsome Dad enters and gives his opinion. It was time for me to sit it down, I was way too pregnant to be going out with my girls and the subject was not up for debate. First, I know y’all can imagine the look on my face, I’m a grown woman, I do what I want, I was always safe and monitoring my environment, I needed to breath and get out before my last little one arrived. Apparently that did not matter to him as he walked out the door for HIS night out! No biggie I’d just call my girls to pick me up. That’s when the betrayal really settled in. Apparently they’d all had a discussion without me that it was time for me to enjoy my pregnancy on the couch. My friends, bless their hearts, were just looking out for me, but in a moment where my hormones didn’t belong to me I was hurt. I just wanted to hang out and be a part of the grown up crew before my life changed and everything became about this sweet little person we were waiting on. I needed a reality check.

Reality- I was too pregnant to be out partying. I knew it, I just didn’t want to accept it. I’d made a life decision and I wanted everyone around me to accommodate that decision. Yeah, I can be a little selfish. As a pregnant mama I had to realize that just because I couldn’t be out with my girls didn’t mean we were not friends, friendships change and that’s okay. So, I settled into my comfy clothes and shoes, grabbed a good book/tv remote/cell and partied right there in the house. What did my friends do? They still went out that night! But they made sure to plan activities that would include me and my belly. See that’s what really matters in friendships, that you make sure you all are growing together, loving on each other, and taking care of each other. I’m grateful I didn’t have to feel like I was being left behind.

pregnant pause 1Don’t forget your friends! Maybe she’s not pregnant, but has something else going on that could change your friendship, don’t count her out. We need each other, to support each other, to share secrets with someone who knows you and your heart. How has a decision you have made or your friends have made change the dynamics of your relationship? Are you all able to still maintain your friendship?