Pack Your Patience!

patienceI am one impatient mama!  There’s always something to do and little time to really slow down.  I am also one late mama which amps up my impatienceness.  I have to fit in everything I can so if you slow that process MOVE!!!! That’s until it was one of my kids slowing me down.

My son takes FOREVER to tell you the simplest of stories. When he does this I nod and grin but sometimes on the days where my patience is wearing thin I EXPLODE.  I usually give a laundry list of things I need to do so if he could just hurry up get to the point, then we could get on with the day.  Little did I know that this was damaging the open relationship I love to tell people we have.  I pride myself on my kids being able to come to me with anything no judgement. But who wants to talk to a mom that’s not really listening?!

My son came to my room and ask could he use my phone to call his older sister, it’s not uncommon for him to do that. Then she asked to speak with me and proceeds to tell me that she has to go up to the school on my son’s behalf.  Cute, she has to defend her brother. I was like why didn’t he tell me he was having a problem.  Then she said it, He probably did but you know how you do?! So they had discussed my impatient behavior, something I thought was hidden my children were bringing to the light. I was ashamed, my son couldn’t talk to me not because he was worried about my judgment but because he didn’t think I would listen or care.  BAD MOMMY (not in the good sense either.)

I made it a point then and there to actually start actively listening.  So as I heard him coming in the door I picked up my patience(figuratively) backpack and put it on.  I asked him about his day, what was going on, it took a good hour to start the conversation but he sssslllllloooowwlllyyy began to open up and I listened.  I didn’t pay attention to anything but him until he was finished.  It took a moment but I was patient.

Do you need to pack your patience? Do you need to make a conscious effort to offer patience to those that may require more than you have? If you’re a patience person leave some comments to help us who need to pack it.

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What Makes A Mom Dateable?

Tips from a few fellas I know. Ladies, variety is the spice of life so I searched within different cultures, African American, Caucasian, Hispanic and Indian.  Here are their thoughts in no specific order. (a little eye candy for my ladies)

  • Time Management. Ability to make time for me, but at the same time still make her children a priority.
  • Independent. Know that I am willing to help in any way that I can, but it is not my responsibility to take care of her kids (if we are only dating)
  • An educator. She has one of the greatest opportunities ever given, and that is to mold young people and make this world better. If she is not willing to teach her children the things they need to know in life, we can’t date.
  • Determined. She needs to know what she wants in life and have the confidence to go after it…

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The Tantramatic Toddler

tantrum-1Okay so I made the word tantramatic up. I know if you have a toddler you’ve been where I am about to take you. Everything is great, you’re out and about running errands, you know nap time is around the corner, but she’s doing so well. Then it happens, their snack is too hot or cold, the air is touching them or you are the worst mommy in the world. Whatever it is, we as moms see it and no matter how hard we try to avoid it, it happens, THE MAJOR MELTDOWN!!! There’s crying and yelling, pouting, kicking and screaming (I’m talking about me, just kidding). What is it that turns your little angel into this huge beast you don’t recognize and what do you do to put it back into the box. I have no clue, but hey you can try the techniques below.
1. If it’s close to nap time before you leave the house DO NOT TAKE THEM WITH YOU!!!! Wait, wait until after the nap or wait until someone comes home that can watch them while you run the errand. This seems simple right?! But often we want to get things done when we want them done, not realizing that this disrupts your child’s pattern (now this only works if you have a pattern established). And while it may be easy for us to adjust not so easy for a little person who doesn’t even realize they need a nap.

2. Pack a to go bag. I carry a huge purse, not because I have piles of money I stuff in there, but because I need an arsenal of things to keep her busy while I conduct my business. Why do we expect our little people to sit still and focus when most adults can’t sit still and focus? When we have to wait what do we do, we are on our phones, and we refuse to be bored. What makes you think it’s any different for them. So I have snacks, a baby doll, tablet, water/juice, and a pen and paper in there. Pick what will entertain your child and put it in there.

3. Learn “The Look!” All parents have the ability to give “The Look” it’s the look that says, enough is enough, stop clowning me in this public place. Now, here’s the catch you have to start practicing the look at home. You can’t be out in public, mid tantrum and give the look, they’ve never seen it before. They are going to keep going bananas because you look crazy to them. This may sound funny but really introduce your discipline techniques at home so that children are aware when their behavior is unacceptable.
4. No means No! That goes for so many things, but in the reference it’s for when your child makes a request you say no and then the meltdown happens. If you give in guess what, they won and they’ve figured out that you can’t handle the tantrum so whenever they want something they now know to lay it on you to get the desired result.

5. Don’t mom shame. We’ve all been there and if you haven’t well good for you. The last thing this mom needs is someone shaking their head or finger at them. Trust she doesn’t want this to be happening to her, but it is. So say a silent prayer for her, she needs it.

What do you do if your child throws a temper tantrum? Share with us in the comments, we could all use the help.

Check out my previous post: A Change Is Gonna Come!

A Change Is Gonna Come!

symone-moves-outIt’s a new dawn, a new day, and I’m feeling good. Probably got that song lyric all wrong, but you get it, it’s time for new beginnings. I’m excited to see what this year has in store for me and my family and for all of you. The holiday season was crazy but we made it through. I’ve had at least one major change that has flipped my house upside down…My oldest, you know, Symone, the one who says Mommy, I’m Grown!, yeah her, SHE MOVED OUT!! Can you believe that after 24 hours of labor, after feeding, clothing, and sheltering her for over 18 years, this young lady moved out? I am not mad at her!!!!

First let me say this, I truly thought my emotions were going to be all over the place, the day one of my children decided it was time to fly the coop. I’d prepared a speech in my mind of what I wanted to say, how I would act (I wanted to have Kleenex hidden in my sleeve for the billions of tears to drop), and I wanted someone to capture a picture of me standing in the driveway, waving as they pulled off. None of that happened. I swear my children really don’t get how dramatic I am. There were no tears, no picture, and no speeches.

There were signs for a few weeks that she was preparing to leave. I’m not completely clueless so I could tell something was on her mind. She came in my room looking sad with her siblings. They just sat there hugging each other, for most moms this would be a moment to capture in a photo, all your children getting along, for me, I knew they were plotting on me. “Mom, I’m leaving!” I didn’t want to make it easy so I asked when she would be back?! (I’m a stinker) “No, Mom, I’ve decided I need to move out, I need my own space, I need to be an adult.” She was making this adult decision, yet looked like my little girl with the tears streaming down her face. I let her have a moment, but in my head I was like should I be crying too?! I wasn’t crying, I was smiling on the inside. Don’t mom shame me! There was a sense of fear, then peace that she felt I’d given her the tools she needed to make it on her own. We hugged, we prayed, and just like that my first-born began to pack her room up and she was gone. Okay not that fast but sort of.

Do I miss her? Yes! Am I glad she decided to move out? Yes! For me personally I feel like each of us has to choose a time, when we are ready, to explore the life we want for ourselves. Most moms I’ve told the story to are terrified, they are not looking forward to this day, I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. Turns out, I’m tougher than I thought. So, as she explores the life she wants for herself, I’m keeping a watchful eye from afar, guiding whenever asked, and allowing her to be who she wants to be. I’ll never not be her mom and I’ll always be raising her, but I can’t be her for her.

What transitions have happened in your life since the year started? Are you excited or nervous? I’m going with the flow embracing each moment.

Check out my previous post: Being Nanekia…Praying for the Enemy