So the other day I was giving the youngest hot kid a bath, when she asked me why I didn’t love her. I said, but of course I love you. She then said, if you love me, then why you won’t marry my daddy?! **blank stare** When I looked around and saw that this wasn’t some surprise proposal scheme, I focused my attention back on to my little one, she needed an answer. My youngest is 3 going on 35 her mind, reactions, and ability to hold these conversations always makes me smile, she’s a smart cookie, but in this instance I wanted a 3 year old that wasn’t so inquisitive. I decided to give her the breakdown I felt appropriate for a 3 year old. I told her that Daddy and I both love her very much and that we love each other that is how our family is set-up, our love makes our family. BOOM!! There, love was the answer. My 3 year old is a curious little something so of course I should have known she would need more than love as her answer. She gives me some major side-eye and decides to let me know that she can’t wait to attend the wedding.
Out little bath time conversation got me thinking, not just about me getting married, but why other single moms I hang out with are not married. What’s the hold-up, where are the rings? I had to do a little investigating. A quick poll of my village gave me a little insight as to why these strong, independent, intelligent women I have the pleasure of raising children with are not married. Most of the women polled are certain that they would love to get married. So many came back with YAS! (FYI: YAS takes Yes to a whole different level of agreement). So many yeses, yet these women are not married, so I asked why. Below please find the top 10 list of why the women in my village are not married (as of today)
- Unwilling to compromise on family issues. They have been raising their family on their own for so long, not sure they are willing to concede power to someone else.
- The person they want to be with is unavailable. Pause, my crew does not mess with married men or men in committed relationships, Play. The unavailable person is either incarcerated, living in another state, or emotionally unavailable due to some issues that need to be resolved before marriage.
- Waiting to be asked but, afraid throwing the hint out there will jeopardize what they currently have.
- It’s hard finding a person that they like, their children and family will like as well. Due to the children playing a major role, the person has to be approved by them and get their permission to marry their mom.
- Not enough available prospects. These women have accomplished a lot and would like for the beau to have accomplished a lot and for them to accomplish more together. The fixer upper is no longer an option for these established ladies.
- They’ve gotten good at being alone. At some point in your life you realize that you like you, you enjoy your own company and you become cool with just being with you and dating here and there.
- THE WAIT!!!! Waiting on their child (ren)’s father to get his life in order and propose to make their family complete.
- Afraid of commitment (Yes, fellas, women can fear commitment also).
- Don’t believe men and be monogamous. This came from quite a few ladies. In a sense that there’s competition because the “supposed” few eligible bachelors, know that there are few of them and tend to play the field.
- The belief that the institute of marriage has been tainted by society.
So, there you have it at least 10 reasons why single moms are not getting married. I’m sure you could have guessed a few, I hope this brings you some enlightenment and great conversation between you and your friends, no bashing.
All those yeses and one no, no she was no looking to get married, stopped a long time ago, and does not plan on changing her mind. She only had one reason for her no, people marry for all the wrong reasons, it’s like they expect the fairy tales they see on TV, and when their happily ever after turns into a nightmare, instead of trying to piece the story together again they give up, pay the fee, and get divorced. We as a people no longer believe in for better or worse, for richer or poorer or in sickness and in health, we believe in the come up and if you not helping me come up then you are no longer useful. I was all team yes, until this conversation (I’m still team yes, I’ll put a picture of the ring at the bottom of the post, let my future husband know what I like, lol). But I can completely understand where she is coming from. Being a divorcee (married at 19) I can say I got married for all the wrong reasons. I was pregnant, we should get married, we were high school sweethearts, we should get married, my friends wanted to attend a wedding, we should get married. Now that I’ve matured I have I can reflect on her thoughts and agree with her. I still however believe in marriage, I believe marriage is what the two people make of it. It won’t be easy and it’s so not a fairytale, but if you can find the right person it’s totally worth it.
So what about you, why are you not married? What are your feelings regarding marriage, let’s discuss.