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Being Nanekia…Confession: I’m Tired!

 

tired 3Recently I was on a call with another mom and she was having a breakdown. She was in full “Incredible Hulk” form.  I told her, let me have it, get everything off your chest, just release and let it go.  I mean she was going through it.  From trying to get her one child help because of a learning  and behavioral issue, watching as her teen child was coming into her own and testing the waters, trying to maintain a relationship with a significant other, keeping up with household bills and duties, working, assisting with her parents, the list just went on and on.  When she was done, she laughed, she said none of her feelings even matter, that she have to grin and bear it because that’s what a good mom is supposed to do.  I listened and gave some encouraging words and offered to pray with her.  When I hung up I immediately went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I was in crisis mode.  Little did I know that those same emotions she’d just expressed were peaking from underneath the phony smiles I’d placed on top of them and were about to be unearthed.

We all go through it. Times when our lives appear to be overwhelming, moments that we don’t want others to see because we may appear weak.  For me personally (here comes transparency), I feel like I never have time to be in my breakdown moment, I can’t own it, I can’t fully express it.  There’s too much to do and me having a moment is at the very bottom of that to do list.  I know multitudes of moms who are holding it together with emotions busting out of seams, just because they feel as though if they break down, 1. They’re a bad mom, 2. No one will care, 3. They could be doing something else.  I’m sure all people go through the same things, but I’m speaking from a mom’s perspective.  When your child has a temper tantrum what do you do?  More than likely you are ready to console them, help them go through these emotions so that you both can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Who helps you, when you breakdown?

So today I confess, I am tired. Tired of bottling up my emotions, tired of holding it together, tired of fake smiling, tired of being tired.  What am I going to do about it?  I’ve invested in a box of Kleenex so if I want to cry I can, I bought some wraps for my hands so I can hit the punching bag (yes, I own a real punching bag- therapeutic), I’m taking the “S” off my chest to realize that I am human and that’s okay.  Moms, we have to learn to self sooth (learned that in my self-care group, shout out “The Renaissance Suite”).  We have to let loose these emotions so that we can heal and become better not only for our families, but for ourselves.  So, are you ready?!  Go ahead have your moment!

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