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Mommy, I’m Grown!

mommy i'm grownLast week I was exhausted. There was so much to do and so little time.  Normally I try to get things done before everyone gets home or early in the morning before they wake up.  This is my time to clean and kind of release some stress.  Wednesday night while others were sleeping, what I would normally do to relieve some stress from my morning routine was taken to a whole different level when I discovered someone was MISSING!  I searched the entire house, no Symone (oldest hot kid). I knew she had been working but it was getting late and she should have come home by now.  I am a worry wart, I can’t help it, it’s one of the reason I limit my news intake.  No matter how much I pray or do others things not to worry, it’s a natural instinct when something is out of sorts with one of my children, I have a need to freak out!  I called her, no answer, I text, no response, I call again and again, still no response.  Stress level is on 100 now.  What next?  I call on the village. We jump into action to locate my poor baby, who could be laying in a ditch, calling out for her mama, and I can’t find her.  Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, but you get my drift.  I was in panic mode.  Where could she be?! Time passes and I get a text, “Mom I fell asleep, I am at so and so house, its cool.”  I can’t describe the level of pissed off I was so I’ll continue in a moment below…

(5 minute break)

I’m calm, I can continue. I was so happy she was safe.  But, because I watch too much The First 48, I had to call so that I could hear if her voice sounded stressed.  It did not, as a matter of fact it sounded like she was annoyed, with me.  Could my sweet angel really be trying me?  Yeah, I think she was.  I went into straight mom check that attitude mode.  I ran down the statistics of missing and exploited youth, I gave the speech about how she lived under my roof, I went in for the kill with you grown but you ain’t that grown.  I had an arsenal of speeches and statistics ready to combat anything she could try to say.  Her response, “Mom, you raised me right!”  Well people there you have it, I raised her right, she is the perfect adult, no flaws, and she can ride off into the sunset and live her life.  BULLSHIT! (Forgive the language)

mommy i'm grown 1I am new to this parenting an “adult” situation. I just really got use to her being my kid and now she gets to use the adult card on me.  I think not, or so I thought not.  Although in the eyes of the government, her friends, and few others, she is an adult, but she’s still my child, someone I still have things to teach, someone I feel the need to protect, someone who still needs me.  How do you know you raised them right?  If I raised her right, where was my phone call?!  What is a mom to do?  I took a cue from The Huxtables.  She is correct she is an adult (19 tomorrow), an adult who lives with her mom, but still wants to have adult freedom.  I want to help her embrace that adult freedom, I want to make it real for her so that she can embrace her adulthood.  I am proud to say that my adult child will be signing her first lease agreement on her 19th birthday, contracted by her mom.  I know I raised her right, I don’t need her to verify that for me.  I’m not done raising her right, but now I have to find alternative ways to get the lessons she needs to learn across to her.  What better way to learn the true nature of being an adult, than having to pay bills?!  So, Happy Birthday My Love, rent is due on the 1st!

Parents, have you found that some of your parent’s methods of parenting are not working for this generation? What alternative ways of parenting have you come up with?  I’ve got two more to go, help.

Happy Birthday Symone! Welcome to the “Guilt Trip” love you!

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Being Nanekia…Confession: I’m Tired!

 

tired 3Recently I was on a call with another mom and she was having a breakdown. She was in full “Incredible Hulk” form.  I told her, let me have it, get everything off your chest, just release and let it go.  I mean she was going through it.  From trying to get her one child help because of a learning  and behavioral issue, watching as her teen child was coming into her own and testing the waters, trying to maintain a relationship with a significant other, keeping up with household bills and duties, working, assisting with her parents, the list just went on and on.  When she was done, she laughed, she said none of her feelings even matter, that she have to grin and bear it because that’s what a good mom is supposed to do.  I listened and gave some encouraging words and offered to pray with her.  When I hung up I immediately went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I was in crisis mode.  Little did I know that those same emotions she’d just expressed were peaking from underneath the phony smiles I’d placed on top of them and were about to be unearthed.

We all go through it. Times when our lives appear to be overwhelming, moments that we don’t want others to see because we may appear weak.  For me personally (here comes transparency), I feel like I never have time to be in my breakdown moment, I can’t own it, I can’t fully express it.  There’s too much to do and me having a moment is at the very bottom of that to do list.  I know multitudes of moms who are holding it together with emotions busting out of seams, just because they feel as though if they break down, 1. They’re a bad mom, 2. No one will care, 3. They could be doing something else.  I’m sure all people go through the same things, but I’m speaking from a mom’s perspective.  When your child has a temper tantrum what do you do?  More than likely you are ready to console them, help them go through these emotions so that you both can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Who helps you, when you breakdown?

So today I confess, I am tired. Tired of bottling up my emotions, tired of holding it together, tired of fake smiling, tired of being tired.  What am I going to do about it?  I’ve invested in a box of Kleenex so if I want to cry I can, I bought some wraps for my hands so I can hit the punching bag (yes, I own a real punching bag- therapeutic), I’m taking the “S” off my chest to realize that I am human and that’s okay.  Moms, we have to learn to self sooth (learned that in my self-care group, shout out “The Renaissance Suite”).  We have to let loose these emotions so that we can heal and become better not only for our families, but for ourselves.  So, are you ready?!  Go ahead have your moment!

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Go HARD or Go HOME!

go hard or go homeHappy Monday! I really hope all the moms enjoyed their Mother’s Day, I know I did.  Today it’s back to business.  I want to touch on a subject that may be a little sensitive to some, but as always let’s start the conversation.  This past weekend I was out grocery shopping when I was approached by two young men outside of the grocery store.  Let me just tell you, I carry my own bags and if I don’t my son is there to help so immediately I was like no thank you! The young man asked if he could holler at me, which threw me because he looked about 17-18 and I’m cute, but I’m I could be your mama cute, lol!  I go in the store and I grocery shop, I can see through the window that these young men are approaching others as they walk in the store.  I pay for my groceries and I’m dreading going out the store cause I just want to get in my car, with my groceries and go home.  As I exit I hear him again say can I holler at you.  I said young man stop approaching people like that, come better than that.  He says okay Miss Lady Ma’am I’m taking donations for my mixtape I’m about to drop you can give me $5 or anything in your pockets (he told me I was cute too, but that’s neither here nor there).  I let him know I didn’t have any cash, but good luck with his hustle. I got in the car and prepared to drive away.  Then I stopped.

Sometimes I really wonder about this calling on my life to speak to our youth. They can be so aggravating.  But, I really just felt like these two could use a little advice.  So here we go…I said excuse me young man, what’s your sound, what is your music about?  He ensures me that it’s positive about the community.  I said, why did you pick this location to tell people about your mixtape?  Well we are just trying to get our sound out in the community.  Okay cool, at least they have a goal.  I asked, do you think this is the best location, I’ve been watching and besides myself everybody else going into this store is over 60 (I’m not just eyeballing people, this was clearly an older crowd).  They both have a blank stare on their faces.  I then asked, who do you want to hear your tape, do you think this crowd will be your audience?  He’s interested now.  I then say besides this grocery store what else is in the next two blocks on this street?  Well, it’s some beauty salons and barber shops, he’s looking interested still.  Exactly my friend, It’s Mother’s Day weekend, everybody is trying to get cute for church or dinner tomorrow, young, old, mama, grandma, daddy, granddaddy, why are you not checking out those places.  Young man who hadn’t said anything speaks up, they take too long and we have to wait for them. *GASP* Dude where is your hustle?!  If anybody understands what it’s like to have to build your roster, and to get the community to back you it’s the beauty and barber shops.  If you go in and play nice with the people they may consider letting you sell inside the shop.  I give them a couple of suggestions on how to approach the owners and beauticians/barbers, we shake hands and I’m out!

Parents, where are the hustlers?! Where is the grind in our children to believe in themselves so deeply that they pursue their dreams, even if they have to wait for Miss Jackson to finish getting her hair done?  These two young men were presentable, they somewhat had a plan but were letting the fact that they may have to wait stop them from pushing forward and waiting for a better opportunity.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not letting my children limit themselves because they may have to wait.  It’s time for some positive disruptive innovation.  It’s time to think out of the box when it comes to developing our children’s goal seeking abilities.  I know not everyone can be the next big rapper, but if that’s the dream shouldn’t they at least give it a proper go (I work with a British professor, he’s always saying give it a proper go).  I know for me personally I hate to see my children upset when they believe they have worked hard at something and it’s not recognized.  Lately though, I have to say, I’m proud of the effort.  I try to remind them that not every opportunity is meant for everybody and that if this is meant for them then to keep moving forward.  I also let them know that sometimes you may have to work harder than others to achieve your dreams, but in the end your hard work will pay off with either your dream coming true or a lesson.  Now some of our children are in phases of multiple fruition (they don’t know what they want to do) and you may have to have a talk with them, but for the most part let’s nurture these dreams.  Let’s not allow them to give up if they lose and even when they win let’s keep that fire burning.  It’s time parents, time to get your HUSTLE ON!

Do you know your child(ren)’s dreams or goals? How are you helping to nurture them?  Is there something you can show them about your own hustle that will help them with theirs?  #eachonteachone

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Hot Mommy Moments

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, no matter what capacity you serve in, we all deserve to be celebrated.  For all the moms in heaven, we mommies here on Earth got you,
Happy Mother’s Day in paradise to you!

nik and anissa

The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew we were made for each other!
(Mama hot & Baby Hot)

Krissy and AddisonThis little girl saved my life!! She’s taught me more things than I could have ever imagine, unconditional love was the most important!! I’m so honored to be your mother Addison you make being a mom a piece of cake!!
(Krissy & Addison)

daphne and devontae

In today’s time it’s an honor to see a young black male walk across the stage and receive his high school diploma !!! With all the triumphs, tribulations, peer pressure , social media , negativity of the world God had my son covered . And it’s an honor to call this young man my son!!! Happy Mothers Day to all moms !!!! The road wasn’t easy BUT GOD!!!!
(Daphne & Devontae)

kawanda and daughter

This picture reminds me of how close I am to my daughter. Although she is legally grown, she is and will always be my baby. The empty nest transition was hard, but along the way God’s strength, grace and mercy has prevailed and all of my greatest fears were invalid. We enjoy our space, but we still recognize the fact that we need each other and often times we usually miss hanging out with each other. This picture is one of those occasions when I hadn’t seen her, but we were able to worship together at church on Resurrection Sunday. Maybe, I am biased but I believe I have the best daughter in the world. Keyonna I love you and I am Godly proud of you!
(Kawanda & Keyonna)

felicia and sons

Thanksgiving 2015/ “I love this pic because it exudes joy.
That’s what I feel everyday as their mom!”
(The Adams Squad)

aliece and daughter

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”
(Aliece & Maky)

Raushauna and rileyMy lil mama is 5 years old now, but this is one of my favorite pictures of us. The caption on the photo says it all, “A mother holds her child’s hand for a while; their heart forever”. She is my heart!!
(Raushauna & Rylie)

nik and jamielMy superhero, my son!
(Mama Hot & The Hot Boy)

latia and bobbyIt’s still unbelievable that you came from out of me. It’s even more astonishing that I could EVER love like this. You have taught me the true meaning of love at first sight. You are the REASON. The reason to live, the reason to give. I almost gave it all up, until I laid eyes on you. I love you, Bobby.
(Latia & Bobby)

missy and babyI wanna be just like mommy!
(The Cheatwood Ladies)

crystal and crewGoing to church happy on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
(The Sims-McNeily Squad)

zahraFrick & Frack, just like that!
(Zahra & Caden )

nik and symone

Each One, Teach One
(Mama Hot & Twin)

Tanisha Council

Mommy’s Little Helpers
(The Council Crew)

marla girls

To go from this moment, to this moment, to this moment,
in a matter of one day is pretty amazing.
(Marla’s Girls)

carclye and crew
Mommy’s Little/Big Helpers
(Carlyce & Crew)

esha and kids

Train them up in the way they should go!
(Those Ansari Girls)

Laniece and London

My son, my love!
(Laniece & London)

missy mom daughter

Three generations of love
(The Cheatwood’s & Granny)

angie easter baskets

When you make sure they know they will always be your babies!
(The McCrory/Washington Clan)

malika and zaria

It’s a photo shoot!
(Malika & Zaria)

jackie pics

Back down memory lane!
(Jackie, Jen, Jay)

missy and boys

My Men!
(The Cheatwood’s)

christine nikki esha

Behold the beauty that is me!
(Mama Dukes & The Rough Riders)

Jamila and sqaud

Squad Goals!
(The Washington’s)

Nikki Theresa Christine

Our legacy!
(Gigi, Mama Hot/Princess Hot, Grandma Theresa)

china washington kids

When your kid’s crew become your kids!
(The Washington’s & A Bunch of Others)

 

 

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The Guilt Trip

mom and nik

Dear Mom,

I want to thank you for being so generous on a regular basis and taking me on a trip I so enjoy. You know the one, the one you said you would never take your kid on because your mom took you, you know the “Guilt Trip”.  I look forward to our weekly guilt trips, it reminds me that you didn’t keep your promise (you know the one about you and your mom) and that just when I thought I’ve mastered parenting, BOOM, there’s so much more to learn.  Our most recent trip down Nagging Lane because I don’t visit enough was joyful.  In the past month we’ve also flown over to Overbearing Bridge, where I did not leap off.  And if that wasn’t enough I recall you taking out your map to see what uncharted territory we had not cover, because we’ve covered a lot, and right in the middle of the map was Highway to Hell, Exit how are you raising my grandchildren.  This guilt trip map is filled with so many places we have yet to discover, YAY (major side-eye).

The other day we were starting another guilt trip and you had to run back in the house. You left the map sitting on the seat so I decided to take a sneak peak, to see what I was in store for that day.  There was tiny writing next to some places we’d visited and places we were to go.  I had to put on my glasses to view.  There next to all the places were notes from you, Mom.  Where I had clearly marked the territory Nagging Lane, was a note about how much you loved to spend time with me and my kids and that you hoped I felt the same way.  There was a picture of us at Overbearing Bridge, in that picture was a rainbow I hadn’t noticed and you captioned it “God continues to shine a light on my beautiful daughter!”  You were coming out of the house, so I quickly looked over at Highway to Hell, there was a picture of me and my kids with a note that said I truly hope they appreciate the sacrifices she is making for them.  I quickly folded the map back the way you had it before you got back in the car.  As you started to take me to Better Start Eating Right Boulevard, all I could do was smile.

Thank you, Christine Moore Sanders for the many guilt trips we have been on and those to come. I love you beyond measure and I know that you are always looking out for me.  Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

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Top 10 Things Moms Want for Mother’s Day, But You Won’t Give

mother's day top 10

  1. Peace and calm in the house. Every mom has a dream, that dream is that they will come home to a clean house that is quiet and peaceful. That all her children will be in harmony with one another.
    a. What you give: music blaring, food on fire in the kitchen, fighting with your siblings.
    b. Solution: Sit down, keep quiet.
  2.  A meal she does not have to cook that is edible
    a. What you give: Your version of Top Chef gone wrong.
    b. Solution: Keep it simple, if all you can make is eggs, just make eggs mom will love it.
  3.  A hot bath or shower.
    a. What you give: COLD WATER! You, yourself will take a long leisurely shower and use up all the hot water, when I go to get in the tub, there’s a ring of dirt and no hot water.
    b. Solution: Stay funky all day so that I can take a nice, long, hot bath
  4. Clean laundry.
    a. What you will give: All kids and some grown men do this, the smell test. If it doesn’t smell funky you will where it 90 more time, then when mom finally gets it, the smell of death is all over it.
    b. Solution: Febreze, don’t just drop that musty shirt down the laundry, give mom a floral scent to go with it or better yet, do your own laundry on your designated laundry day
  5. To be able to use the restroom alone (THIS IS A BIG ONE)
    a. What you will give: you will stand outside the door talking to mom, singing to mom, arguing with your sibling, requesting permission, knocking on the door
    b. Solution: LEAVE MOM ALONE! Make the restroom a territory in the house where mom can have a moment of peace. (moms don’t abuse the territory treaty)
  6. To walk in a store and not have you ask for something
    a. What you will give: You won’t give anything, you will expect mom to purchase all the random things you place in the cart and when she doesn’t you’ll give her a hard time.
    b. Solution: Get a job, do your chores, earn some money, that way you can buy your own stuff. And for you all under the working age, just close your eyes while we’re in the store.
  7. For you to do your chores without having to be reminded
    a. What you will give: You will either only do half the job or you will act like you don’t know how to do it
    b. Solution: Clean up the mess so mom can get off your case, and then we will all live happily ever after
  8. For the toilet seat to be put down (BOYS & GROWN MEN)
    a. What you will give: you’ll just continue to leave the toilet seat up because you will figure she should look back before she sits down anyway
    b. Solutions: Daughters, help your mom, super glue the toilet seat down
  9. For all legos all over the world to be picked up off the floor
    a. What you will give: you will build the fort just like the one on the lego box, but there will be at least 500 pieces leftover that you were probably supposed to use, instead you take the fort and scatter the pieces everywhere.
    b. Solution: Buy mom a good pair of shoes that are lego resistant
  10. For you to even out the number of times you call out mom, with the number of times you call out dad.
    a. What you will give: you will ask your dad a question and he will give you an answer, but because mom is all knowing you will hunt her down, especially in the bathroom, to ask her
    b. Solution: There isn’t one moms are all knowing, we just have to deal with it.

Just a few thoughts for your mother’s day shopping spree. We still love your macaroni art and CASH is always welcome.  We love you and thanks for making us moms!  It’s all in love and laughter.

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Guilty (Part 2)

guiltSo a few weeks back I talked about being guilty of mom shaming, GUILTY! We as moms can feel guilty about a lot of things, no sense in having another mom make us feel guilty about those things as well.  As I thought about the times I’ve felt guilty or made someone else feel guilty, I was called upon by another mom asking me for assistance.  This set me up to experience another form of guilt and one I am sure is shared by others, the guilt of helping.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a Single Mom Here, Hear me ROAR, so I am always down to help another mom out, single or not. I get it we all need assistance and who better to assist than another mom you trust.  We live in a society which constantly has a stressing over who we can and cannot trust to assist us with our children, we are all busy, and it truly takes a village to raise a child.  The village has become a vital part in child rearing these days.  If you unfortunately don’t have a village, then it’s time for you to broaden your horizons or re-connect with family.  Despite us Super Moms always being able to do it on our own, it is a proven fact that at some point we all need assistance, therefore you need to form a village (look for tips on how to secure your village coming soon). The village is the foundation you need to get assistance when and if you need it.  I am a part of multiple villages and thus understand the importance of being available when needed and having access to the help when I need it.  Remember it is okay to ask for help, but let me go on to the guilty part.

The issue I am having is when one person in the village takes advantage of the village. I knew a mom who needed a sitter often, like every night because her shift changed at work, she called, and I was available that night, boom I can assist.  The next night, there was supposed to be a sitter in place but something happened, it was an emergency, again, not a problem I was available so I assisted. A day later (I can’t make this up), I received a call, didn’t recognize the number and I’m never afraid to answer a call so I did, this time it was someone else contacting me on behalf of the person asking me if I could get the children.  Note: If you are asking someone for a favor, at least have the courtesy to ask them yourselves. Me, not wanting to leave someone stranded agreed to help once again.  This went on for about a month, random calls for assistance. Finally I had, had enough, I needed a moment.  My children were with their grandparents, I was home alone for the first time in months.  My plan was to take a nap, read, dance in my undies, drink some wine, and take another nap, whatever, it did not involve children, mine were not even at home. My phone rings, I recognized the number so I answered.  Yet another emergency, nobody else was available and since the person had asked what I was doing at the start of the conversation, she knew that my agenda was open.  My answer…NO! Then came the guilt, how could I not help her, I wasn’t busy, she was in a bind, what type of person doesn’t help someone in need?!  I felt so bad. She was right, I knew her issues and that she needed help.  Then reality slapped me in the face! I needed help too.  I needed this moment to self-care, to relax, to breathe, before my own motherly duties came into play again.  Still she could not understand my rejection.  I stood my ground and was able to enjoy myself and get some much needed rest.

guilty 1Moms we must remember that not only do we need rest, but the people who help us need rest too. Our needs are just that, OUR NEEDS.  Be grateful when others step in to assist and be mindful of the things they may have going on.  I have a full plate, but will make room when I can to help others, but if my plate is about to spill over, I have to adjust which mean I may not be able fit you in.  Don’t take it as rejection and don’t make the other person feel guilty.