If you’re a single mom have you ever asked yourself if you are dateable? What makes a person dateable? And if you are not dateable how do you become dateable? Lots of questions and maybe I have a few answers.
Not so long ago I found myself on the dating scene with no clue how to date. It was very awkward. I got married when I was 19 so technically I don’t believe I had ever really dated, not as an adult. So I began to go out, if you invited me I was there I wanted to be seen, put myself out there and let the fellas know I was on the market. BIG MISTAKE! I defined what I thought dating was and apparently the men I attracted did not agree with my definition of dating. I had to go back to the drawing board and determine what was wrong, it couldn’t be me, I’m a catch or was it?! I had to re-evaluate my dating definition and determine if I was truly ready to date. After some self-reflection I determined I was. There were a few steps I needed to take though before making that big leap.
I looked in the mirror, was my look giving off an I want to date vibe. I’m not talking about dressing like a whore in church to get attention, but I didn’t want to look like I was going to work or the club or the PTA meeting. Yes all those listed above have a look, at least in my opinion they do. In my opinion you want a nice casual look, something you can pull off. All women have that outfit that is just them, it gives them confidence and they wear it well. That my dear is your dateable outfit. (Just a note, most men are visual creatures so gently accentuating your figure does not hurt). Now, I keep a cute haircut, but my suggestion to those that think they have to do something drastic, keep it simple and cute, you’d hate to try to change your style up just for this date and end up not liking the guy or the new style. For all you make-up enthusiast more power to you, I am a simple girl and believe that I need to flex my natural beauty. Besides the first date is no time to try that new YouTube tutorial. Make-up to me should enhance your natural beauty not give you a complete facelift. There you have it your date night look. (Suggestions at least)
The other thing I think you need as a dateable mom is confidence. It’s scary out here, you don’t know if you should approach them or if you should wait for them to approach you. Dating is a bunch of nerves that eventually works itself out, the first step, building the confidence to make yourself available. I have no great advice for this, sorry. So what did I do? If I was approached I would be friendly (unless they came with what I thought was a disrespectful approach, “hey what up little mama” I’m a grown woman). If they peaked my interest I got their number, I didn’t want any crazies having my number, lol, but seriously. You have to realize that sometimes a date is just that a date. Dinner and a movie, dinner, bowling, mini-golf, whatever it is, it’s just that enjoy the experience, don’t over analyze or plan out your future, just get to know that person. Be confident enough to know that you are the catch and that he/she is lucky to have your attention. Don’t be afraid to just be you, if something more is to grow you want them to know who you are not this person you think they want to see. Now if you are really confident and you like what you see don’t be afraid to approach. It doesn’t hurt for you to let someone know you are interested. It’s a scary thought rejection, but who knows you may encounter acceptance. And if you are rejected, which I doubt you beautiful creature you, take that as God’s way of saying something better is coming your way. Maintain your confidence and keep it moving, brighter days I guarantee are ahead.
As adorable and loving as our children are, you are more than just a mom. A dateable mom has to know when to bring up the topic of children. You are made up of so many great things and although your children may be your greatest joy you have a million other attributes. Now I’m not saying don’t let the person know you have children, but I am saying don’t whip out little Johnny’s school picture, birth certificate, report cards, and baby teeth. This is a date and unless you know on the first date that this is your future, slow down, again enjoy the moment and enjoy having the attention on you for something besides being a mom.
Moms, we all deserve our fairytale, we deserve a partner that loves, values, and respects us. So have some fun along the way, they’re coming. You never know they may be just a date away. Make yourself dateable.