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Hot Tips: The Love Dare

So we as parents have a choice to make, how will we train up our child(ren)? Take the challenge. Over the next few weeks I will be completing my Love Dare Challenge. From the authors of international best-selling marriage book The Love Dare comes The Love Dare for Parents, a 40-day journey of “dares” challenging one or both parents to understand, practice, and communicate Christ-like love to their children. Choose to train them in love, I promise it will make a world of difference.lovedare-Collage

Review at http://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Parents-Stephen-Kendrick/dp/1480523275

 

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Hot Kids Crew: R*E*S*P*E*C*T!

reflection- hot kidsThis week’s blog features Jackson , 15, an amazing young man I met who is an aspiring nurse and Jayda, 17, a confident, bold, young woman who is also looking to go into the field of medicine. Jackson and Jayda have style and flare and will give us their insight regarding adults, kids and respect. (all answers are straight from them, with grammatical errors corrected by moi.)

  1. Do you feel that your generation lacks respect for their parents?

I do think this generation lacks respect for their parent, because having an attitude or ignoring your parents is cool these days. (Jackson)

  1. Why do you think this generation has lost respect for their parents or do you think it’s the way they are being raised that they never had it?

I think it depends on the parents. If they were raised strictly then they will be stricter, and if they were raised with not a lot of restrictions, they will not use that kind of parenting with their kids. (Jackson)

I feel like technology and the media have a lot to do with the way children view respect. With the media, children and teens especially are seen being disrespectful towards their parents with no repercussions so children see that and think it’s okay. (Jayda)

  1. How do you think parents can turn around this generation’s attitude about respecting their elders?

Restrictions on phones, more micro managing, and a clear understanding that they are the child and they’re the parent. (Jackson)

Being active in your child’s life can heavily influence the way children will treat them. Some parents can become detached from their child especially as they grow into their teenage years. Communication is important & being more hands on. (Jayda)

  1. Do you feel that parents should receive respect or that they have to earn it?

I think they have to earn it. I feel like if my parents don’t listen to me, or hear me out, or be irrational, I feel like I don’t need to respect them because they owe me that same respect back. (Jackson)

Parents should receive respect, but if a parent is completely disregarding their child they may not deserve the same respect an active parent might receive. But children should respect their parents regardless. (Jayda)

  1. How do you feel when you see someone your age or younger being disrespectful to an elder?

I just kind of stand there and let it happen because it’s not my place. But I do get a little uncomfortable because it’s just kind of awkward to see it happen.

It bothers me when I see my friends disrespecting their parents. One of my best friends can be very disrespectful towards her mother and she takes advantage of the fact her mother won’t do anything about it. I don’t like to see it and I’ll usually speak up about it when I’m around. (Jayda)

  1. How can your peers help correct this generation’s behavior?

By thinking about the consequences down the road if they continue their bad behavior. (Jackson)

Leading by example is probably the most effective way of getting someone to listen especially when you may not have a lot of power. (Jayda)

  1. Have you ever had an incident where you felt disrespected by an adult and how did you deal with?

I have been disrespected by an adult. I handled it not so well. I got disrespectful right back. My explanation for this is that if you’re a grown adult, and you get into it with a child, you drop right down to my level and you’re just as ignorant as I am. (Jackson)

Yes. Often when I used to work in the fast food industry. It would never really be anything I can do about it but smile and help them solve whatever problem they were having. (Jayda)

  1. In hindsight of how you dealt with the situation as you mature would you have dealt with it differently?

I would not have dealt with it differently. I pretty much stand my ground in situations like this. (Jackson)

I’ve learned that when people are disrespectful towards me it’s not always the best idea to retaliate with disrespect. “Kill them with kindness” is effective because it can make people think about their actions. (Jayda)

  1. Write a quote you could use to express how important respect of elders is to your peers.

“A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone”~ Jayda

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Hot Mom, Hot Topics: A Reflection of Self….

reflectionAs parents it’s our job to raise our children to be productive members of society, to live their dreams, to be successful, and to make us proud. At least that is what I feel like society tells us we should do.  I think society skips the part about making sure your child doesn’t turn out to be a complete jerk. Recently I’ve noticed a lot of parents being rather friendly with their children, nothing wrong with this, but there comes a point when you can’t be friendly, your kid won’t like you and that my friend is called parenting.  We all have a tendency to want to be liked and who doesn’t want the person they helped give life too, to like them.  But lost in that translation, of being accepted by your own flesh and blood, is something I know people in my age group grew up with and that is respect for your elders, especially the elders in your family, but most of all your parents.

Growing up in my household we were raised to respect our elders in and outside of our home. We may not always agree with them but you were still to show them respect.  That was the rule.  I can remember a time, I was 16, and I felt my uncle had crossed a line with my mom and was in my view rather disrespectful.  I am very protective of my family, like a guard, so if you come for them I come for your neck.  It’s the truth I’m working on it. I’ve always been very vocal and just as I was about to get real vocal with my uncle, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  My mom reminded me in that moment that I was child, he was my elder, and despite his behavior I was not raised to be disrespectful.  It hurt my soul, I knew my parents rules about respect, but did that apply to adults as well?!  As I learned this lesson from my parents, I learned that my elders could be wrong and their behavior at times may not warrant the respect they were given, but I had a choice to make about my character, did I want to be known as a disrespectful young lady, just to make a point.  Never in a million years would I have ever thought to curse at or in the presence of my parents or elders.  I may have rolled my eyes and even smacked my lips, but trust corrective action was always taken.

Over the last few weeks I’ve observed the way some children in my life talk to adults and honestly I wanted to gather some old school grannies, bibles, and belts. I’ve seen children standing around while adults are having a conversation and when asked to leave basically tried to argue how they were mature enough for the convo.  I’ve witnessed elders attempt to correct the behavior of a child only to be met with cursing and threats.  WTH is going on?!  I’ll tell you what I think is going on…we have become soft as parents.  In both instances the parent attempted to explain their child’s behavior, to justify the disrespect.  She’s stressed about school and needs an outlet, he has some issues and people should beware.  Are you kidding me?!  So these “excuses” warrant disrespect?  When did we as parents start giving passes for disrespectful behavior?  Were you raised that way?  I bet not.  Our children are a reflection of who we are.  Are you a disrespectful person?  If not, then your child should not be either.  And if you are, CHANGE!  I know I’ll hear people say that we always blame the parent, but in this case it’s true, including myself.  We are all guilty!  Our children are a reflection of us and how we are raising them.  If we don’t teach them to be respectful in our home then what do we expect them to do outside of our home.  We are the cause of this problem.  So how do we fix it?

It’s never too late. As parents I am hoping and praying you have built a bond with your child where you all can have a genuine conversation about life.  I have three children, 18, 12, and 3, the conversations about respect vary for each.  I’ll be the first to admit I have caught Symone, 18, on occasion being in my eyes disrespectful.  At 18 she knows it all, but as her mother it’s still my job to guide her.  How do I do this?  I call her out on being a jerk, explained my view, she’s explained her view, and then I’ve guided her on how she should handle the situation as an adult.  TALK people TALK!  For Jamiel, 12, my only son, who is on so sweet can be something to deal with as well.  If I’ve caught him or been told about him being disrespectful, he has to apologize.  I’m raising him to be a MAN; a man can admit his mistakes, offer and apology.  I remind him of the examples of great men in his life and ask if they would approve of his behavior.  I am not a man, but I am a decent human being and I can teach him that.  Now for that adorable Anissa, 3, it is the responsibility of the household to teach her through our behaviors.  She’s watching us and we all know it.  Now if there is ever a time that someone older has been wrong with my child, I’ve always instructed them to allow me, as the adult to handle the situation.  Adults can be wrong to, but it’s better to have the adults communicate the have a child, “acting” as an adult communicate.

Children deserve respect just like adults, but they also deserve to be taught how to deal with and respect adults they may disagree with. My challenge to you, watch how your child interacts with other adults and determine if they are a true reflection of you!

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Being Nanekia…..

being nanekia 1Big fan, Being Mary Jane, let’s get to the good stuff. So there seems to be a theme in almost every Being Mary Jane episode and that is all of the people in her life rely on her for assistance.  Does that not sound familiar to some of you?!  I’m sure we all have a story as to being the strong one in the family, the one who has to resolve issues within our families and with our friends.  The person that people look to when they are in trouble, sad, hurt or confused.  It’s a cross that far too many moms I know carry.  Lately in my conversations I have been hearing this over and over again.  The reasons why moms can’t embrace their feelings or step out on faith is because they feel it would interfere with them helping someone else.  NEWFLASH “HELP YOURSELF!”  How many times have you not accepted an invitation or passed on an opportunity because you thought it would limit you being able to be helpful?  I am so guilty of this it hurts my heart sometimes to think of chances missed.  Well, it’s never too late to start taking advantage of those things now.

In the last week I have had several conversations with people about embracing who I am as a person. If you know me then you know I have no problem loving on me.  But I also give myself a lot of grief about my own expectations when it comes to helping others.  For me, I want to step out, build my business, interact with others doing their thing, but my list of obligations sometimes won’t, or at least I tell myself, won’t allow me to.  I have bills to pay, I need to spend more time with my children, I need to have a date night, I need to call my parents, I have to volunteer here and there and everywhere, I have to clean my house, I have to read this book, the list goes on and on.  I have more excuses for not doing things that I am passionate about and blaming those around me when the truth is, my schedule truly is up to me.  Nobody is going to fall off the face of the planet if I decide to do something for myself.  I have dreams just like those around me and while I want to see us all succeed and our dreams come true, I have to take the time and have faith in my own dreams.  This is how it goes, I will be amped about working on my own project, then someone will reach out to me for advice, in the blink of an eye, I have put together their resume, business plan, gotten them a loan for a start-up and *poof* there my project sits, over in the corner, alone, gathering dust.  Don’t get me wrong I love to feel needed and I like the fact that people want to pick my brain and think I’m creative, but I also want to accomplish my goals.  The pressure of trying to be so helpful all the time has thrown me for a loop on too many occasions.  Why can’t I just say no or have the discipline to step aside and let people be in charge of their own things. It’s a battle within me and I’m working on it.

It’s time, it’s time to see me, to look in the mirror and not just see a mom, daughter, co-worker, friend or significant other, but to see that diva who’s going to thrive at building her own brand. If you haven’t been of Facebook this week (shocking), then you might have missed a video going around posted by Steve Harvey.  In the video he talks about the JUMP.  Everyone in life has to jump, if you want to move forward you have to jump.  Now while jumping you have a parachute and once you pull the cord you expect for it to stop you from freefalling, but sometimes that parachute won’t open up in time and you might get some bumps and bruises along the way, but that’s okay.  Eventually though, when the timing is right for you, that parachute will open and the leap you took will be so worth it.  I’m ready, are you with me?! Let’s JUMP!

Steve Harvey: JUMP!

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Helpful Tips for Raising Children After the Loss of a Parent

  1. Ms. KayReassure them that they are loved and will be taken care of.
  2. Listen, allow them to talk through their grieving process
  3. Try to maintain some sense of normality. You don’t forget about the parent, but you continue living life.
  4. Don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance
  5. Acknowledge their feelings
  6. Don’t forget about your own grief and don’t be afraid to let the child know you are grieving
  7. Remember the parent, share memories
  8. Allow your village to help
  9. Find a special way to celebrate the person’s life
  10. Remember grieving has no time limit
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You Are the HOTTEST MOM!

Erika 2I’m so excited to announce our first HOT MOM of the MONTH!!! ***drumroll please*** Congratulations to Ms. Erika Harrison, Hot Mom of the Month (January).  Erika is the hot mom to one feisty teenage daughter and a mama/sis to two sassy teen girls.  Erika’s unique parenting situation has led her to earn this distinction.  A few years ago Erika’s mom, Ms. Kay Harrison, was diagnosed with lung cancer.  As the family fought an awesome fight, in the background of the situation were two young ladies adopted by Ms. Kay before her diagnosis.  Ms. Kay won her battle with cancer and earned her wings just 30 days after her diagnosis.

Once friends and family celebrated Ms. Kay’s life, life continued. Here was Ms. Erika, single (fellas she’s still single, lol) living life, dealing with the loss of her best friend and becoming instamom to two more people.   Although there have been some bumps and lessons learned and still learning, she has taken this all in stride.  Remembering the lessons of her mother and utilizing the village to help raise her own daughter as well as her sisters.  Erika is a strong, courageous woman, who would deny any of this if you were to tell her, but the fact still remains, she stepped up to the plate and is fulfilling the duties taken on by her mom.

It truly takes a hot mom to love on and embrace someone else’s dream. To completely alter your life so that someone else may know and feel love is our God given duty, Erika has proven this time and time again.  Sometimes things may be strenuous and it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, through it all though Erika has strived to be the best she can be to all the young ladies.  You can’t ask for much more than that.  So, we salute you for your fire and zeal Ms. Erika Harrison, just another hot mom.

Harrison Girls“Hero and Selfless is what comes to mind. With the various shake-ups her life has thrown her, she has always carried herself with class and grace. She could have been angry about her circumstances, but instead my HERO put her cape, along with the occasional fly ass pump 👠, and literally took a bag full of coals and made diamonds 💎 out of the situation. Now that’s a Hot Sister/Mom!”~Sabrina Lewis