Holiday HELL!! Top 20 Annoying Things About The Holiday Season!

(Featuring Ayesha Ansari)

  1. While shopping during the holiday season and you are in line with your cart and have been for 20 minutes, someone gets in line behind you with one item and they feel you should let them cut. #peoplegottabeouttheymind
  2. When FedEx, UPS, USPS dogs your package because they mad about the weight. #youmadornah
  3. The one person in your office that has too much holiday spirit and insists on wearing holiday attire every day. #weseeyouwegetityoulovetheholidayseason
  4. When your family tries to guilt you into giving a gift after you say you’re done shopping. #overit
  5. The dreaded gift exchange. When your Secret Santa waits till the last minute and gives you the gift you gave them last year. #deadwrong
  6. When Bath & Body works has their last minute sale and you end up with 20 bottle of Japanese Cherry Blossom #justbuymestockinthecompany
  7. When your non-cooking family member offers to make the holiday dinner and the turkey is dryer than a desert breeze #weneedgravy
  8. People who post all the nice things they do for people during the holiday season, but forget we know them all year long and know they ain’t that nice. #scrooge #youregettingcoal
  9. People who talk about all the money they spent during the holiday season, but won’t pay you back the $5 they owe you #bishbettahavemymoney
  10. People who will get mad and take this list seriously #itsalljokes
  11. Wine glasses with water in them, DISRESPECTFUL #thiscupwasmadefordranking
  12. When family members want you to visit during the holidays and they live halfway across the planet and it’s a blizzard outside #yougotgasmoneyandashovel
  13. When family members pack their to go plate before y’all even sat down for dinner #canigetaplate
  14. When your cousin brings the “new boo” to the Christmas dinner and that’s not who came to Thanksgiving dinner and your grandma comments #whothehellisthis
  15. When you realize there is no rum for the eggnog or cider and you could use a drink #mynervesbad
  16. When the family instigator prays for togetherness at the family dinner, but just started an argument between your aunts #fixitJesus
  17. When you bring your cousin with you to the family dinner and you are ready to go but they planted firmly on the couch like y’all ain’t come together #hegonneedaride
  18. .The family member who never brings anything but complains about the food, gifts, drinks, and the heat in the house. #didyoucontribute
  19. The one person in your family that does not believe in technology and still uses a disposable camera, “Wait let me wind it!” #somebodygetthemacameraphoneplease
  20. ULTIMATE FAIL: The person who sends a group text with a holiday greeting to EVERYBODY and people reply back “who is this” all day long! #justacceptthedamngreeting

BONUS: The one person in your family who is “wealthy” gives everyone an envelope for Christmas, when you open it, there are coupons inside #theygotrichtostayrich

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY, WE WILL!!NikkiEsha

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Hot Tips

Interact with people!

  1. Make plans to have a family or friends night out. For couples plan a date night. Make it an activity where you all have to talk to each other. Make everyone put their cell phones in one place so that you have to talk to each other
  2. Create a family night where at least once a week you all have to talk with each other, play a game, have bible study, try to not use electronic devices.
  3. Use the calendar on your phone to schedule reminders for yourself to call people.
  4. Have a potluck, encourage people to bring their best dishes and make it a competition. People love to compete.
  5. If you can’t find the time in the next few months to implement these, PRAY! Pray for those you love daily.the simpsons

Being Nanekia…..

squad 1(Lisa’s Suicide, Part 2)

So I’m going to go ahead and finish up my take on Lisa’s Suicide. In case you missed my other posts, I love Being Mary Jane, life lessons, compare to me, Season 3 Episode 3.  I wanted to push through the introduction so that I can get to the meat of this post.  As always transparency is my policy.  This is my life and I’m sharing it with you in hopes that we can spark some conversations to help each other.  So let’s get started.

During Lisa’s funeral, Mary Janes gives the best eulogy…..We are all LIARS!! Yes we are.  Her truth just so happens to be my truth.  Each day I greet people in passing, we exchange pleasantries and I ask how they are doing, but I never really stop to hear the answer because of course, I’m busy, their busy and the world will stop revolving if we take a minute to actually listen to each other.  What would happen if we took the time, a few seconds out of our hectic lives to actually find out how a friend, family member, co-worker, our children, our lovers are actually doing?!  What am I missing out on that could perhaps strengthen our bond, help grasp clarity, or just put a smile on someone’s face?  There have been times in my life where I wish I could go back and have those conversations or just hug the person, at last it was too late, death, distance, life, has gotten in the way and you can’t go back.  Sad but true fact we make ourselves out to be busier than we are to sometimes not have to deal with other people or even deal with ourselves.  (RAISES HAND)  I’m guilty of this and as I write this an overwhelming feeling of regret crushes me because I know I can do better.  I just have to actively make the choice to do better.

I became pregnant at 17, devastating, at least for me. Telling my parents and my family was hard because I know they looked at me and saw a responsible, intelligent, young lady with a bright future.  I had allowed myself to become a statistic, how could I face them now.  I can be honest I worked very hard to make sure I was able to provide for myself and my child.  I worked two jobs while I was pregnant, I went to school, I helped around the house, I tried to be a good daughter so that people would still see that I was able to hold it together, I was not going to burden my family.  One night the mask of okay fell off.  I was in so much pain, I had just gotten off of work and had a terrible cold.  Here I am seven months pregnant tired, achy, coughing up a lung every two seconds trying to still save face.  My grandma came into my room (pause I need a tissue) and tried to help me, but because I didn’t want to appear weak, I yelled at her with all the strength I had left in my body.  I know she was hurt because my hormones were raging and my voice, I can still hear the cruelness I spoke with, in my voice.  My grandma gathered her remedies and went back to her room.  I cried for what seemed like hours, why couldn’t I just be vulnerable and allow her to love me at that moment.  Thank God my grandma had raised enough girls to know how emotional we can be.  I woke up to my head being in her lap, the smell of Vicks all through the room and her rubbing the temples of my forehead.  (To this very day I have yet to find a person who can rub the temples of my forehead and ease my mind like my grandma.)  She wanted to make sure I was okay, despite myself, she loved me enough to know when I wasn’t okay and couldn’t admit it to myself.  We don’t do this anymore.  I’ll text you a hey what’s up, go on Facebook and post a friendship rollcall (my friends and I made the friendship rollcall a thing, you just like the post and I know you’re alive), stalk your Instagram to see if you posted anything or I’ll call you but if you don’t pick up I won’t leave a message and if you call me back, I probably won’t answer cause I’ve moved on to something else.  Sad and pathetic.

Human interaction is important!!!! We tend to think that we can handle everything on our own.  We don’t want to bother people with our sob stories and so we hide, we shield, and we bury ourselves so we don’t have to face the reality that we do need others.  I will be the first to say that I scream I’M INDEPENDENT, DOING IT ON MY OWN, DON’T NEED NOBODY!!!!  The truth is I do need people, I need the people I love and trust to reach out to me, to show me they care.  Even when they are mad at me, and I am sure I piss them off, I still need to interact with them and to know that they support me.  And vice versus, those same people we need, need us.  Sometimes we don’t want to deal with so and so issues because it just becomes too much, but what if you were the last person that so and so had to reach out to, what if you are their anchor the thing that keeps them grounded.  Would you want them to float off into the abyss?  (Note:  there are some people who are attention seekers and no matter how much attention you give, it’s never enough.  Pray for a spirit of discernment for yourself and pray for them to be delivered from that dramatic spirit.)  In all we need human connections to keep us sane, despite the insanity these interactions sometimes tend to cause.

My challenge to you over this joyous season, CHECK UP ON YOUR PEOPLE! Holiday times are usually when people try to put up a front.  Don’t be afraid to gently expose that front and offer some love.

Being Nanekia…..(Lisa’s Suicide, Part 1)

cropped-cropped-me.jpgAs always I am going to as transparent as possible.  You already know I am a huge fan of the show Being Mary Jane.  This season’s episodes have really caused me to reflect on a lot of my own life’s situations and how the show to me, has provided a new perspective on how I handled these situations.  So this episode has to deal with Lisa, Mary Jane’s BFF (best friend forever), dealing with her own mental demons and deciding to take her own life.  Mary Jane is currently recovering from a car accident she was in, caused by a confession she overheard of Lisa having some sort of sexual encounter with the man Mary Jane has been on and off again with for years.  If you didn’t see it go back and watch Season 3 Episode 3, have tissues ready.

 

Today I am ready to discuss my own situation in dealing with someone who suffers from a mental disorder.  These are my own personal feelings about my own situation so judge if you must but they won’t change.  As some know I was married many, many, many moons ago.  What most don’t know is that I had been trying to get a divorce from this person since year 7, it took 6 long agonizing years to finally have those papers signed, sealed, and delivered.  During this phase in my life some mental health issues arose.  Now if you know me, you know I was raised in the church by a God-fearing family.  Once those marriage vows were taken it was truly in sickness and health that you had to stick it out with a person.  Little did I know that I would be eating those words somewhere down the line.  I wanted out and I wanted out so badly I could taste it, breath it, feel it in my spirit, I mean there wasn’t a moment that I wasn’t plotting my escape.  You may think I am a horrible person, but I could care less, let me tell you why.

 

When dealing with a person who has mental issues not only has their life changed drastically, but so does yours.  You go from what people see as a happy couple to dreading the other person’s presence, at least this was my take.  One minute everything was cool, medication was being taken, life looked up, and the disease was not going to win.  The next, medication was no longer an option, all was lost and there was no hope for the world.  It’s hard especially with children to live in such an unstable environment.  Don’t get me wrong I did try.  I tried therapy, all types, animal, yoga, breathing, I was at church every day on my knees looking for some relief.  When you cannot find peace in your own home, you truly have a problem.  Home should be your refuge, not the war zone.  The place I thought I could relax became the last place I wanted to be.  I’d gotten myself and the kids involved in so many activities that by the time we made it home it was time to shower and go to bed.  On the outside I’m sure people thought I was just an active mom and I was in my community giving back.  Honestly these activities were saving a life.  I was going to need mental help myself if I didn’t do something soon.

 

One day during a therapy session, I was sitting listening in and the statement made hit me upside the head so hard, I could almost feel myself falling.  “I don’t want to take my meds, I feel like if I am out of control, people should deal.  I’m not changing so you all deal with it. (Imagine an aggressive tone)” Well damn!  It was at that moment I woke up.  Nothing was going to change.  This person had made their decision that this is how they wanted to live their life.  Constant confusion was okay for them, because when the days were good they were great, so what if they had bad days, we would need to learn to deal with them because this was life.  NOT FOR ME and not for my babies.  How could I accept this as life?!  Let me be totally honest, living in anxiety is no place to call home.  You are always on edge because you are waiting for the next thing to happen to disrupt your world.  As with Mary Jane and Lisa, Mary Jane did not know when Lisa was going to attempt suicide (she’d tried before) or when she would appear at Mary Jane’s home making accusations against her.  It’s a hard thing to help somebody that does not want help.  At what point do you stop offering them help and help yourself.  I had reached that point.  I prayed day and night for God to reveal to me what I should do next.  I know in my heart this was not the plan God had for our lives.  I sought guidance and the same old sad song played, “Stand by your man”.

 

I took a day off from work to meditate on my next move.  Then I started packing, I packed everything, everything that person would need to feel safe and secure and asked them to leave.  I got the evil eye from so many people, friends, family, church members.  I was hurt because I thought these were people who wanted the best for all of us and for me at least the best would be that person leaving.  It took some encouragement from my sister circle and prayers from my mom, dad, and sister, but I stuck with my decision and never looked back.  I was confident in my decision and why you might ask?!  Well because as much as we are taught to stand by a person we have to consider ourselves someone we should stand by.  There is a reason on flights that they tell you to place the mask across your own face first.  If you pass out trying to help the other person then you both might end up dying, but if you can manage to get your mask on, secure yourself, you might be able to help yourself, the person next to you, behind you, and in front of you.  We have to make sure we are okay.  It’s not selfish to feel this way it should be human nature.  If you are not okay then you can’t help others be okay.  I had to be okay with me choosing to be okay.  And I am……

I feel now that I am an advocate for those who are dealing with someone who suffers from mental issues.  I don’t encourage people to run away, but I do encourage them to help themselves.  Whatever their decisions they have to be okay with getting themselves right first.  So there’s my truth.  If you feel like you need help choosing yourself first or want some encouraging words or need information on how to get help when dealing with mental issues, leave a comment or send an email to justonehotmom@gmail.com 

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.”- Audre Lorde