parenting

Hot Mom, Hot Topics: What About Your Friends?

respectThis week has been one of revelation for me. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what success looks like to me and how I plan to get there. I know I’m successful, but there are a few goals I would like to reach before I wrap this thing called life up. As I looked over goals achieved thus far I also looked at the team around me. I thought about who was there supporting me and who had drifted off to the sidelines. This made me think long and hard about those that had drifted off. We were once really cool, the type to say to each other I got your back and you got mine, but when victory reached out and touched me these folks were not there like I thought they would be, cheering. Why not?! What happened to having each other’s backs? See I’m not the type of sometime friend that only surfaces when there is drama, death, or destruction. I want to be there with you when you’re winning, I want to high five, hit the quan, and scream go best friend that’s my best friend. My philosophy, if one of us achieves, we all achieve. WE ALL WE GOT! (in my New Jack City, G-Money voice) So what had happened to my sideline?

Well what I discovered is some people are not sideliners. If the show is not about them they cannot genuinely be happy for you. It’s a sad reality when you realize people cannot be happy for other people. I’ll confess, I’m not talking about males, I’m going to keep it all the way 100, I’m talking about females (HELLO?! Did you hear me?) Why can’t we as women celebrate each other?! What is it about our make-up that tells us to be in competition? Take a look in the mirror at yourself, can you truly say that you are happy when your friends achieve victory or in the back of your mind are you wondering how this half-wit is winning and you feel like you’re losing. See, we become very judgmental when we feel entitled to win and cannot understand how we’re not. I believe the problem lies within. It’s hard for people to be happy for others when they feel defeated in their own space. Why didn’t you take that leap of faith, why didn’t you get flowers, why aren’t your kids making the grade?! Due to not understanding your own strength and what you need to do to achieve your goals you project animosity unto your so-called friends. Be transparent with yourself, you know you’ve had moments where you cannot understand others happiness and that bitter pill gets stuck in your throat and you almost choke. What I think we need to realize is that if we exert happiness or joy for our friends then you will get the same in return. We tend to forget about the giving and focus on the getting. Well sweetie it’s not always your turn to receive. Really take a moment and examine your own heart. Are you a selfish friend? Do you only value your friends when they can cheer you on? Can you be happy for another person despite what is going right or wrong in your life? I’ve had to check myself several times about this. Why be upset because this woman is winning, if we are friends that only strengthens the circle. I’d rather have no cheerleaders than 100 people plotting my demise, while smiling in my face.

So, how do we resolve this issue? First evaluate your circle. Watch how people react when you or someone else in your group delivers good news. Trust if they will talk about that person then they have no problem talking about you. Determine why you are friends with an individual, is it truly because you care about this person and want to see both of you win or is it because you both can benefit each other so you might as well be friends or at least say you are friends. For me personally if I can’t genuinely share in your joy, we’re associates. That’s just being honest, we are not all meant to be friends, but that doesn’t mean I wish you ill will, I’m just not the cheerleader for you. I’m comfortable enough with my circle (which is small) to know who’s in my corner, who’s really pulling for me to win versus someone who’s sitting there with their popcorn waiting to gossip about me and mine. No sir, no ma’am, not in my circle. See in my circle we have joy, peace, and understanding. If you’re friends with me you know I shoot straight for the hip, you don’t need a chaser with me. If you winning, we winning, if you failing, we figuring out how to get you winning. My challenge to my readers is to find out who your real friends are and who you are a real friend too. See that’s that give and take again. Once you determine that, cultivate those relationships and stop wasting time competing with people who are not really your friends.

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” ― Linda Grayson

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